10 Different Yelling Techniques Kids Often Use

Posted on by admin | in babysitting

Mankind has yet to invent an attention-getting device that works better than a screaming child. When a kid wants your attention, there is no power on Earth that will dissuade him from his mission. Children will employ any and all tactics to get a parent, or anyone else within a radius of 20 miles, to hear them. Let’s consider 10 different yelling techniques that kids often use:

  1. The Yodel – This technique will often cover eight full octaves, and can be sustained for several minutes by seasoned users. The object is to create sufficient discomfort in the intended victim so as to render them incapable of defensive maneuvers.
  2. The Rhythmic Head Bang – A combination aural and physical assault, it has the power to render mothers daft, fearing for the physical well-being of their child, as he pounds his forehead into the headboard of his bed in time with his piercing wails.
  3. The Foot-Stomp Screech – This one is generally employed during full-tantrum mode, as a last resort when other attempts fail to gain conciliatory gestures from the victim.
  4. The Two-Part Harmony – A two-pronged frontal assault on the eardrums. This one requires the joint effort of two assailants, transmitting at slightly different frequencies, to produce a quivering, belly-churning wall of sonic waves.
  5. The Morse Code – Can be employed with devastating effect when combined with the Yodel. Alternating between sustained crescendos and staccato squeals, this tactic has been known to leave victims dazed for extended periods.
  6. The 9-1-1 – As an attention-grabbing maneuver, this tactic is second to none. Designed to elicit sympathetic cries from neighboring homes, and incite calls for law enforcement and Child Services assistance.
  7. The Hoover Maneuver – So-named because of the assailant’s use of deep, rapid inhalations of air between extreme bursts of sounds. While holding his breath, the assailant will often keep his mouth agape as if suffocating, and feign epileptic symptoms with dramatic effect.
  8. The Public Enemy – As a means of achieving quick results and low resistance, this tactic is most effective when implemented in mixed company or in highly public areas. The uninitiated victim will at times be reticent to launch immediate countermeasures.
  9. The Gag Order – Used in conjunction with a silencing device such as a blanket or towel, to muffle the screams and create the illusion of gagging oneself. As with the Rhythmic Head Bang and the Hoover Maneuver, mothers tend to be most susceptible to this tactic.
  10. The Boogeyman – A panic-induced wail for immediate nighttime assistance, triggered by a boogeyman alert. Most often false alarms, they nevertheless require a prompt and compassionate response.

Children’s screams can be alarmingly high pitched, lengthy and painful sounding, but don’t be alarmed. Most children will stop before they actually pass out. The more attention you give them, the more often they will exercise these techniques, so your best bet is to ignore them all together. Once screaming becomes ineffective, it gradually goes away.

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